Do you see yourself in your students when they’re struggling?
Written by Jenelle McClenahenwhen words felt too small
One year, I had a student labeled “emotionally disturbed.” He’d been moved around, misunderstood, and mistrusted. But in my class, something clicked. Not perfectly, not always calmly—but deeply. He started participating. He asked questions. He tried again.
The following year, his case manager asked, “Can you teach someone else how to do what you did?” I laughed and said, “I just go to therapy.” I didn’t know how to quantify what had happened.
what i didn’t know how to say
Looking back now, I realize I was doing something—something powerful, even if I couldn’t explain it then. I used short, anchoring phrases that created safety in the chaos:
“You’re a good kid having a hard time.”
“It’s not okay to do that—and I’m so glad you’re feeling better.”
“You’re doing a great job, even if it doesn’t feel like it.”
They weren’t magic words. They were honest, and they were mine.
why it actually worked
This didn’t come from a training or course. It came from somewhere else entirely: I saw myself in his struggle. And more importantly—I didn’t hate that part of me.
That’s why he could trust me. Because I didn’t flinch at the hard stuff. I stayed.
what this means now
Now, as I build a behavior app, coach teams, and consult full-time next year, I keep returning to that moment. That student. That question.
Maybe the best strategies start with this: Do you see yourself in your students when they’re struggling? And can you meet that part of them—and yourself—with compassion, not control?
That’s where connection lives. That’s where the real work begins.